I always find myself every morning at the same fork in the road. The one that “I’m so happy I am finally free from the narcissistic abuse” and “I am so sad that I’m missing out on all the fun things I see my friends families doing together”. So where do I go from here? How do I live without denial, I accept what has unfortunately happened to me, and live my best life. Going through this for more then half of my life, I came up with steps that are helpful for those triggersituations and how to look forward to your new awesome life!
Tip 1: Let’s take a moment to actually pat yourself on the back! You did it! You realized these people or person was so toxic that it didn’t serve a purpose in your life anymore. That is something that should never go unrecognized. And if no one has told you, I am very proud of you.
Tip 2: Start researching, but don’t let the research or other people’s stories consume you. It’s always good to look up inspirational quotes and books to dive into. But please remember to not compare yourself to others stories. I want you to take this time to really make it about you. Chances are, your toxic parents or parent never made your priorities number one. So here is your chance! You’re important.
Tip 3: It never hurts to talk to a therapist. A lot of people get kind of uncomfortable telling a complete stranger their problems. The way I see it, you can’t really have one of your close friends really understand how you feel unless they went through it. Having a trained professional really help you dig deep and help you heal is very important.
Tip 4: Find out what makes you special. I really didn’t get to discover my true self till about the age of twenty five and I’m still learning! It’s most likely your parents didn’t let you express yourself during the important stages of your life. So let’s find out what you love to do and how you can show off your shine to the world! Sometimes getting on a yoga mat, meditating in the bath, learning new things, cooking, creating a loving and safe home for yourself can help you dig deep and express your true self.
Tip 5: There will always betriggers both big and small. Mine are at weddings and seeing the parents give their daughters away or slow dancing with their dad. The looks on their faces and looking so fulfilled makes me drift off into my sad little world, but I’ve learned to stop that within time. My advice would be mentally prepare yourself for these feelings and to learn to accept the cards you were unfortunately dealt. This is where talking with a therapist can really be so fundamental!
In these situations I will be the first to admit I have stomped and screamed how unfair it is that I didn’t have the proper upbringing, but I am proud of you for coming this far! It’s your life and you call the shots now!