Walking away from your Parent (s)

Walking away from your Parent (s)

       Hi vibrant souls and welcome back to my blog! I hope everyone is having the best FRIDAY! I kind of want to get a little personal with you guys. Maybe there is someone I can help on here. I think even opening up about my past will help me in some ways. 

        There are certain reasons why people choose to walk away from a parent. Bad relationship, addiction, lying, cheating, and/or abuse. The list could go on. For me it was narcissistic abuse. Abuse is a hard word to say out loud. I remember when I first went to my therapist and she asked if I was ever hit and I said no because I was scared. At 25 years old I was terrified to say those words thinking they would find out I told someone. That’s how I felt for over half my life. Scared. 

     Narcissistic abuse is both emotional and physical. They could hit you because they think you did something wrong and then tell you they did it because they love you. That is where the emotional and physical came along side by side each other. I think I knew I always wanted to walk away. I was too scared to because of material objects that were held over my head. “I’ll take your car away”. “You won’t have a home”. Things I would say to myself were “If they take my car away or my home what will I do”. 

      I began therapy at the age of 25. I finally came into myself. I was taking charge and finally accepting that I was abused. Now came a crazy lightening bolt through my brain. Maybe if we hang out, this parent and I, we could maybe see eye to eye. We kind of did from August to November. We would go on bike rides and talk to each other. When I would come home from work they would greet me and say hi. I really couldn’t believe it, but it didn’t last. I wanted my partner to sleep over so she wouldn’t have to drive late at night, and that did it for him. Just to be clear, I was paying monthly rent. He called me up during work and these words are the last ones I would ever hear from him. 

“You need to leave. You’re getting in between me and my family”. 

    To be honest I never felt part of “his” family. At first I couldn’t believe he would say this to me after the progress we were making, but I had to remember why I really was pushed to therapy. In July I told my mom I was having really sad thoughts because of my depression and anxiety. He came home and once again 

“Your feelings are getting in the way of your mom and mines relationship”. 

     I was able to walk away with the feeling I was going to be okay. Not right then, but in the future. I tried.
Where I am now: 

    Because of complications starting from that day I do not talk to both my parents. I am learning to accept that I do not have parents. I had to mourn the loss. But I have found amazing parts of myself I never knew I could have. Like having the courage to walk away and be okay with myself for that. Don’t ever forget you come first in your growing process. 

I really hope this reaches and helps someone. 

-The Blonde Healer xo

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22 Comments

  1. August 11, 2017 / 7:39 pm

    I have never been in this situation before but I must say you are such a brave and courageous person. I applaud you being able to do this. I’m definitely not as strong as you and I know for a fact this post is going to help somebody out there. You are such an inspiration. Keep writing 💙

  2. August 11, 2017 / 11:58 pm

    That was very brave of you 💔💝 I’m loving your advice and experience blogs.

  3. August 12, 2017 / 2:20 am

    This is so powerful. So brave and courageous of you sharing your personal and how far you have come on your journey. Even though we haven’t gone through a similar situation this really touched us. We send lots of love on your journey. ❤️❤️❤️

  4. August 12, 2017 / 5:47 am

    I wish you happiness and contentment for your future, and I must also congratulate you on walking away. 🙂
    I have an abusive parent myself, I block it out (as much as I can, anyway. I’m sure you know it’s not as easy as preaching it). I believe you have come a long way since you walked away from the relationship and the person and hope you’re doing well. 🙂

  5. Coyote from Orion
    August 13, 2017 / 9:08 pm

    Best wishes for all xx

      • Coyote from Orion
        August 16, 2017 / 3:39 pm

        Was with Chinese medicine healer yesterday. Not the usual session. Slept well though. Was so tired when I got home

  6. August 14, 2017 / 1:03 am

    First I just want to hug you for being so honest and bold on the internet. Second, I completely understand what you mean. I’ve had to walk away from some of the cruel, demeaning things my own father has said. It was heart breaking at first, but then I realized I felt so much lighter. I no longer received static text and phone calls belittling me, spewing hate about my mother, calling me selfish and telling me I have problems when really it’s a projection of his own issues. Luckily
    I know some great men who are the fathers of my friends. They have shown me how a man is supposed to act, treat his daughter and support her. You are so strong and intelligent to get therapy. It does wonders and will help you realize how valuable you are and what a travesty it would be not to have you in this world.

    https://kerielaine.com
    Keri Elaine

    • August 15, 2017 / 6:08 pm

      Omg you’re absolutely amazing!! You’re so strong!! I’m sorry to hear about that going on in your life. Thank you so much for writing back to this! Your words really helped a lot!! Xo

  7. August 18, 2017 / 9:51 pm

    I have never been in this situation with a parent but I have with a friend. It took all of me to walk away from them and so I cannot even comprehend the strength it must have taken to walk away from your parents. I hope you’re proud of yourself. xx

  8. September 3, 2017 / 7:29 pm

    Thank you for posting this, my parents are alcoholics and I’ve suffered in the ways you describe. I haven’t walked away totally, I have really rigid boundaries with them and the relationship is very strained but hearing your story made me look at it from another angle, thank you X

    • September 4, 2017 / 7:02 pm

      I am so sorry to hear that! But I am so pleased to hear that you set boundaries for yourself! That is most important! Xo

  9. September 3, 2017 / 11:15 pm

    This touched my soul ♥ When a parent treats you in this way, or all out cuts you out of their lives (as what happened to me), most people find this very hard to understand. I’ve found that sometimes they look at you like you must be only telling half the story and there must be more to it. You are very courageous to have walked away, and then shared this with the world! I hope you find your happy! All the best x

    • September 4, 2017 / 7:01 pm

      I’m so sorry you had to go through those soul draining emotions as well. Why were you kicked out? It gets very frustrating and hard, but you seem like you’re on your way to a successful positive life! All the best to you vibrant soul xo

      • September 4, 2017 / 7:07 pm

        Thank you. I don’t think the reason I was given was given was the real reason. Basially it came down to me not making a drastic change to my life just because they told me to. None of it was rational, and people don’t understand, so I dont bother to tell. I’m glad it happened when I was older (29) and had a better grip on my self worth so I handled it better than I would have earlier on. Positive and successful thoughts only! X

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